Seven weeks ago something happened that I would have never imagined. I received a phone call from my daughter in law, Sariah, regarding an e-mail she said I might be interested in. It was from Ron, a half brother of mine who was looking for people related to our Dad. He had found her name with an e-mail address on a Rootsweb's page associated with my Dad. Was I ever excited!! Yes, of course.
You see, I had known that my father had another family although he never talked about them. Never shared a picture, nothing! We had heard there was a bitter divorce. Our family moved across the country when I was six years old. I didn't know the names of these children until several years after my fathers death, when my Aunt Phyllis shared them with me. I was surprised, there were four boys and two girls!! What a big family!! Any other information was all hush, hush, and I was basically told to leave well enough alone.
I had often wondered about this family. What were they like? How did they survive without a father in their lives? Would they want contact from us? Or would that be too painful? With rather common names it was like looking for a needle in a haystack and I never seriously pursued the search.
As soon as possible I e-mailed Ron and the next day we talked for a long time on the phone. Life had been hard, but he has forgiven our Dad for what he did, or I should say didn't do. Ron struggled with bitterness, and alcohol, but turned his life around over 30 years ago. He is an amazing man and has forgiven our father for what he did to their family! According to Ron, there never was a divorce only a legal separation, and my dad never paid the family a penny. That answered a few questions for me, like why our family moved so many times when I was growing up and why my parents got "remarried" when I was a teenager.
In the next few weeks I started to make contact with other family members via Facebook. There are tons of nieces and nephews I am still trying to figure it all out. We have shared many pictures back and forth and are trying to get to know each other. I have also had the opportunity to talk to two of my sisters on the phone (Yeah, sisters, I always wanted sisters!!) The end of this month, I'm going to be able to meet one of the sisters when she comes out west to visit her son. I have learned from both of them. Barbara told me that she was sorry she didn't get to see our Dad one more time before he died, just to tell him, "it's ok". Gloria was also very forgiving. She also wondered about us too, but didn't think we would care. How far from the truth.
My perception of my father, though has changed. I used to characterize him as a honest person.Honest people don't dessert their families. I look at pictures of him with my half siblings and it makes me sad. I look at pictures of him with the family I grew up with and think it's not fair. I used to think I was a Daddy's girl. But, I don't want to be that now, because it was at the expense of other children. I know I have quite a ways to go to be forgiving, and I WILL get there with some time. I know that he can receive the Lord's forgiveness, and I must forgive also.
The youngest of the children, Kenneth, died in 1990 at the young age of 44. I'm sad that I was not able to know him. There are still two more brothers I would like to contact in the future somehow.
I can't help but think about the timing of all this. Six weeks after my mother died, and four weeks after my release from my family history mission. Is my mom, helping with this somehow on the other side? Is this just an incredible blessing for serving a mission? I don't know, but I'm thrilled beyond belief to have this family in my life!
In the next few weeks I started to make contact with other family members via Facebook. There are tons of nieces and nephews I am still trying to figure it all out. We have shared many pictures back and forth and are trying to get to know each other. I have also had the opportunity to talk to two of my sisters on the phone (Yeah, sisters, I always wanted sisters!!) The end of this month, I'm going to be able to meet one of the sisters when she comes out west to visit her son. I have learned from both of them. Barbara told me that she was sorry she didn't get to see our Dad one more time before he died, just to tell him, "it's ok". Gloria was also very forgiving. She also wondered about us too, but didn't think we would care. How far from the truth.
My perception of my father, though has changed. I used to characterize him as a honest person.Honest people don't dessert their families. I look at pictures of him with my half siblings and it makes me sad. I look at pictures of him with the family I grew up with and think it's not fair. I used to think I was a Daddy's girl. But, I don't want to be that now, because it was at the expense of other children. I know I have quite a ways to go to be forgiving, and I WILL get there with some time. I know that he can receive the Lord's forgiveness, and I must forgive also.
The youngest of the children, Kenneth, died in 1990 at the young age of 44. I'm sad that I was not able to know him. There are still two more brothers I would like to contact in the future somehow.
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| Kenneth David, 1946-1990 |
I can't help but think about the timing of all this. Six weeks after my mother died, and four weeks after my release from my family history mission. Is my mom, helping with this somehow on the other side? Is this just an incredible blessing for serving a mission? I don't know, but I'm thrilled beyond belief to have this family in my life!
